So, I just took a gander at the new trailer for the upcoming FRIGHT NIGHT remake (see below) over at Bloody Disgusting and, from the trailer alone, I’m not too terribly impressed. Like other glitzy remakes, this one seems like more sparkly, hunky vampire bullshitery that attracts teenage girls and lonesome soccer moms who wish the pool boy was a brooding, sparkling douchebag. I mean, the original FRIGHT NIGHT is a work of horror canon and it really looks like, as with most remakes, this one is going to suck…in 3D.

Here’s a synopsis from BD:

Senior Charlie Brewster (Anton Yelchin) finally has it all going on: he’s running with the popular crowd and dating the most coveted girl in his high school. In fact, he’s so cool he’s even dissing his best friend. But trouble arrives when Jerry (Colin Farrell) moves in next door. He seems like a great guy at first, but there’s something not quite right—but everyone, including Charlie’s mom (Toni Collette), doesn’t notice. After observing some very strange activity, Charlie comes to an unmistakable conclusion: Jerry is a vampire preying on the neighborhood. Unable to convince anyone, Charlie has to find a way to get rid of the monster himself in this Craig Gillespie-helmed revamp of the comedy-horror classic

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See what I did there, in the title, that thing about “sucktastic.”  Yes, that is indeed, sir or madam, a PUN.  First, here’s the story from SHOCK TILL YOU DROP:

The film and television rights for Nancy A. Collins’ young adult trilogy “Vamps” has been snapped up by Mukerjee-Brown Productions.

Shelley Brown and Lucy Mukerjee will oversee development of the series – which encompasses three books: “Vamps,” “Night Life” and “After Dark” – and are currently shopping the property around to various networks. “Vamps” was published last summer under the HarperCollins’ HarperTeen banner; “Night Life” followed last month and “After Dark” is due this July.

Set on the Upper East Side of New York City, the series looks into the lives of a group of prestigious bloodsucking daughters who attend night school at the elite Bathory Academy. There they learn to hone their abilities before venturing out for a night on the town. But their world is a sea of shifting loyalties, vicious rivalries and salacious revelations.

“With this fantastic series, Nancy has proved she has her finger on the pulse of the current teen sensation. The books of a Gossip Girl appeal with a Twilight edge and are perfect material for a hit TV show.”

After Dark Films founder Courtney Solomon is on board to executive produce.

OK, now, who, from that outline, in the horror community, is going to not take a giant shit all over this?  Come on?  How can you have more suckatude?  Gossip Girl Meets Twilight?  Fucking BRILLIANT!  Oh my GOD, I never thought a show could be worse than FRIDAY THE 13th, THE SERIES, but by golly they’ve gone and found one.  To quote so many YouTube commentors out there, “if you watch this, you are gay.”  Holy shit.  Just, oh fuck that sounds like such a bad concept.  Almost as bad as Stockholm Syndrome.

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