REVIEW: FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

Posted on 16th February 2009 by aaron in News,Reviews - Tags: , , , , ,

WHAT THE FUCK?

This movie was worse than Rob Zombie’s Halloween Remake.  This was ALMOST as bad as Stockholm Syndrome.  This movie is the biggest fuck up of all time.  Seriously.  WHAT….THE….FUCK.

Ok, ok, let me start over.  I went into this movie with an amazing amount of excitement.  From everything that came out before the movie hit theaters, I was stoked as hell.  Then I went to see it.  This movie is nothing like a Friday movie except that Jason is in it, but he’s not the Jason we all know and love.  He’s not your mindless, badass killing machine.  He’s this plotting, planning, tunnel living guy.  He sets up all of these traps which Jason NEVER did and, I don’t know man, I just don’t know how to go about describing this.  It’s not even a remake.  It’s more of another sequel, but a bad one, worse than Jason X.  There are no creative kills.  There IS a metric shit ton of nudity, so it had that going for it, but it didn’t really add anything to the franchise.  It was boring and meaningless.  It seemed like they TRIED to have a story going with Jared Padalecki trying to find his sister who was on some trip out in the woods to find weed when Jason struck and took out all of the teens, or college age kids or whatever.  He killed all of them EXCEPT for Padalecki’s sister.  Why?  What was the point other than a happy ending for the Padalecki character.

You hardly ever saw Jason in fact.  What the fuck was with that.  Any time you saw him, he was on screen for about 3 seconds and then we have to deal with a bunch of shit dialogue from characters we never empathize with.  We can’t even empathize with the protagonist (Padalecki) because, well, he was just as one dimensional as all the others.  It seemed almost as though this movie was put together in a rushed three day weekend.  Seriously.  I cannot rail against this movie hard enough.  I can’t believe I wasted money to see it.  It was just another forgettable slasher that doesn’t do any kind of justice for the character of Jason Voorhees or the series in general.  Avoid seeing this one unless you have a gun to your head.

Awful.  Just…just awful.

ZERO SKULLS.  THIS FLICK IS D.O.A.

POSTSCRIPT:
It would be nice, seriously, if Platinum Dunes, Michael Bay, Marcus Nispel and Brad Fuller just started selling used cars or something instead of making movies.  Talentless fucks, all of them.

AN OPEN LETTER TO 4th FLOOR PICTURES

Posted on 15th February 2009 by aaron in Personal - Tags: , , , ,

Ok, here’s the thing.  I took the time out to review the film Stockholm Syndrome for the production company 4th Floor Pictures.  I gave it a bad review because I thought it was a bad movie.  I did, indeed, trash it.  That’s what I do whenever I see a film that has no artistic merit whatsoever.  It wasn’t even “bad funny.”  It was just bad.  When I mentioned in the review that the writer/director began his production company at the age of 18, I can only surmize that this was maybe, at most, 2 years ago, because the guy and his cronies still behave as if they were children.  Since I posted the review, I have received countless harrassing posts and comments attacking my credibility.  Instead of brushing the review off as simply another bad review on the pile, as any professional would have, the entire team of 4th Floor continues to post a barrage of negative comments directed at ME PERSONALLY.  It’s a MOVIE.  It’s a BAD movie.  Get over yourselves.  Go attack the reviewers of Deadpit.com too and everyone else who gave it a bad review.  I’m sorry, but you can’t just make poorly done shit and expect anyone other than your friends to fall all over themselves with praise for it.  That’s not the way things work.

As far as my not knowing anything about independent filmmaking, you’re sadly mistaken, guys.  There are plenty of independent filmmakers out there with, what’s that word…oh yes, talent, who MacGyver together great works of art on a shoestring and a dime.  They understand concepts such as pacing, storytelling, editing, sound design, art design, acting, cinematography and the like and they use their talent to piece together wonderful creations.  You didn’t.  I agree that independent horror filmmaking is the best horror filmmaking, but not ALL of it.  You made a bad movie, you got a bad review from a website.  Boo Hoo.  You asked me review it and that’s what I did.  As far as the comment the writer/director made to me about doing it all to get a free DVD, I’d gladly give it back.  It’s just a shoddy DVR anyway with no intrinsic value either with the film nor in regard to the media itself.

Keep making movies if that’s what you want to do.  I have no desire to review anything you ever make again as it will more than likely be on the same level of utter garbage as Stockholm Syndrome  and you have all proven yourselves to be less than professional.  Your company epitomizes every aspect of unprofessionalism that is so often unfairly attributed to independent filmmakers.  You have singlehandedly destroyed any shred of credibility you ever had, at least with this site and this fan.  This may not matter to you, that’s fine, but if you continue to behave in this way with every company that gives you a negative response, you will fail to go any further in this business.  Not that this would be a bad thing.  The less horror fans have to put up with your type of shoddy, untalented filmmaking, the better for us all.

We’re done with you and your associates.  Any more attempts made to contact myself or this site will be considered harrassment and will be dealt with accordingly.  It’s time we both move on.