HORROR TRIO WEIGHS IN ON REMAKES

Posted on 8th March 2009 by aaron in News - Tags: , , ,

Shock Till You Drop got in on a panel where Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper, and Mick Garris were asked what they thought about remakes.  I agreed with Mick Garris, but Tobe Hooper and Wes Craven seem to see nothin’ but “money, money, money, money, moneeeeeeeeeey.”  Christ on a bike, what the fuck has happened…what…?  Anyway, here’s what they had to say:

Wes Craven: “I have one coming out next week. And it’s a fine, wonderful film. I wouldn’t say that. It was one of those cases of, after 30 years, the guys who made the film got to own it again and we got to remake it. Total control. Final cut. Found a fantastic director. A Greek director who made a film called Hardcore. I said, don’t make my film over. He did a fabulous job, made it totally his own. The Maltese Falcon is the second or third remake of a previous film, so there’s nothing wrong with whether something deserves to be remade or not, it’s just whether it’s a damn good film or not.”

Tobe Hooper: “I think it’s inevitable and I think it’s a good thing. I think DeMille did one of his films three times and Hitchcock as well. In those days you couldn’t take the film home with you. When Chainsaw, the remake…I was going to direct it. I didn’t feel right. I asked Gus Van Sant his advice and he said, ‘I’d probably remake anything I’ve ever done.’ It’s what it is, man.”

Mick Garris: “I’d like to say one thing about the Chainsaw remake, it’s a product. A nicely made film, but Tobe’s movies really reflect Tobe’s personalities and sensibilities. I mean this as a compliment when I say the remake of Texas Chainsaw, what was wrong with it, is that it lacked the madness the original had. The madness was displayed through humor that was so dark, it was red. It was red humor. That, and the under-appreciated Chainsaw 2 which I think is a masterpiece of horror. It evolved. Wes has his Last House on the Left remake reflecting that filmmaker’s personality. Tobe’s work reflects his personality. If a remake has a personality that’s one thing, if it’s not just a product. And unfortunately, most of the crap out there is just product.”

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (2009) TRAILER

Oh my GOD, I can’t imagine how much SHIT this flick is gonna be.  I’m throwing up the trailer though because some of you boils and ghoulies out there might actually be looking forward to this.  There’s no way, no fucking way they’re going to capture the severe, gut-wrenching brutality of the first.  JUST BECAUSE of the remake, I’m going to rewatch the original and pop a review up, even though I swore I’d never watch that movie again because, like I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, it’s just a hard one for me (that’s what SHE said).  The only way I can watch I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE is with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary.  I mean, come on, that gang rape scene, with her screaming, if you feel NOTHING when watching it, you’re a horrible bastard.

Here’s the trailer for the upcoming redux.  Now go cry in a closet.

Also, Krug (played by Garret Dillahunt) is putting on his best Ben Foster (the Stranger from 30 Days Of Night) impression.  Oh my God.  Fucking awful.  Best thing about this movie so far is that I kind of dig the “Sweet Child” redux.

REVIEW: FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

Posted on 16th February 2009 by aaron in News,Reviews - Tags: , , , , ,

WHAT THE FUCK?

This movie was worse than Rob Zombie’s Halloween Remake.  This was ALMOST as bad as Stockholm Syndrome.  This movie is the biggest fuck up of all time.  Seriously.  WHAT….THE….FUCK.

Ok, ok, let me start over.  I went into this movie with an amazing amount of excitement.  From everything that came out before the movie hit theaters, I was stoked as hell.  Then I went to see it.  This movie is nothing like a Friday movie except that Jason is in it, but he’s not the Jason we all know and love.  He’s not your mindless, badass killing machine.  He’s this plotting, planning, tunnel living guy.  He sets up all of these traps which Jason NEVER did and, I don’t know man, I just don’t know how to go about describing this.  It’s not even a remake.  It’s more of another sequel, but a bad one, worse than Jason X.  There are no creative kills.  There IS a metric shit ton of nudity, so it had that going for it, but it didn’t really add anything to the franchise.  It was boring and meaningless.  It seemed like they TRIED to have a story going with Jared Padalecki trying to find his sister who was on some trip out in the woods to find weed when Jason struck and took out all of the teens, or college age kids or whatever.  He killed all of them EXCEPT for Padalecki’s sister.  Why?  What was the point other than a happy ending for the Padalecki character.

You hardly ever saw Jason in fact.  What the fuck was with that.  Any time you saw him, he was on screen for about 3 seconds and then we have to deal with a bunch of shit dialogue from characters we never empathize with.  We can’t even empathize with the protagonist (Padalecki) because, well, he was just as one dimensional as all the others.  It seemed almost as though this movie was put together in a rushed three day weekend.  Seriously.  I cannot rail against this movie hard enough.  I can’t believe I wasted money to see it.  It was just another forgettable slasher that doesn’t do any kind of justice for the character of Jason Voorhees or the series in general.  Avoid seeing this one unless you have a gun to your head.

Awful.  Just…just awful.

ZERO SKULLS.  THIS FLICK IS D.O.A.

POSTSCRIPT:
It would be nice, seriously, if Platinum Dunes, Michael Bay, Marcus Nispel and Brad Fuller just started selling used cars or something instead of making movies.  Talentless fucks, all of them.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME REVIEW BACKLASH

Posted on 13th February 2009 by aaron in Indie Horror News,Personal,Reviews - Tags: , , ,

Ok, well, apparently the folks over at 4th Floor Pictures weren’t too terribly excited about the review I gave for their film STOCKHOLM SYNDROME (synonymous with everything else Brain Damage excreets).  Thus, I had an email sitting in my inbox this morning:

Its funny you guys call yourself Backwoods Horror because you dont’ know anything about horror films or at least independent films.  This was an independent film made a few thousand dollars.  Its not Hollywood – its low budget film making.  Thanks for trashing it…

Ryan
4th Floor Pictures

Interesting to say the least.  I love the part where he attacks the site, stating with full intellegence how a horror site that talks MOSTLY about independent cinema (though, mostly GOOD independent cinema…some bad).  I often rail heavily against the shit coming out of Hollywood these days.  I report on it, yeah, but I also usually give a little tidbit of how shitty I believe it’ll be.  Stockholm Syndrome CAN be compared to a “Hollywood” horror film, if not by budget, than in one way…they blow chunks together.  Difference being, Hollywood blows millions to suck out loud, 4th Floor blows thousands.  Regardless, here’s my response email:

That’s great.
Listen, because you’re young and impetuous, I’ll understand this launch against me, about my not understanding about film, something I’ve devoted my life to and have worked in the industry for about a decade.  No biggie.  I understand what it is to work on independent, WAY independent budgets and I gave you credit for it.  It’s hard, I realize that.  I’m just curious as to what you expected when you finished with the film?  When you sat back and realized what you had made, did you truly think it belonged amongst the pinnacles of exploitation/independent cinema?  I’m happy for you that you’re making films, I really am.  It’s an amazing dream not everyone gets to follow and you’re doing it in spades.
Given my respect for that, there’s no way around the review I gave.  The film is just terrible.  I’m sorry, but you’re going to hear things like that when you make a terrible film.  Like I said in the review, I’d be happy to look at your other work.  I’d be interested in seeing what your films are generally like.  You know, get an overall view of the writer/director Ryan Cavalline’s repertoire.  I can’t judge you as a filmmaker on one picture alone, and I never set out to judge you personally.  I set out to review the film itself.  And the fact of the matter is that the film is just….bad.  Poor writing and poor acting was the overall MAIN problem with the film.  The sound issues could be worked with in post, not an issue, and the directing wasn’t always that bad.  There were real flashes of talent here and there.  A fantastic example of what someone can do on a low budget would have to be George Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead.  The guy had virtually no money.
The problem is, if you have such a limited budget, you need to get more creative with the story in a way to work around budgetary restraints.  Trust me man, I believe you can do it.  But if you continue to spew out flicks Brain Damage picks up for distribution, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.  Perhaps you can get some money behind you from the Brain Damage deal, however, and move on to make a better, more polished project.
I wish you all the best in future endeavors, Ryan, and look forward to seeing your future work.

Best Regards,
Aaron J. Howell

And that’s that.  Jesus man…some people.  Just chill the fuck out guys and make a better movie.

NO ENGLUND IN ‘NIGHTMARE’ REMAKE?

Ok, first of all, let’s just say that this remake thing is, and has been, out of control.  It’s just money money money money moneeeeeey.  Sick of it.

Alrighty, now that’s out of the way, WHAT THE FUCK?  Robert Englund has said time and time again he’d reprise his role as Freddy if the script was good.  So what does this mean?  If he’s really turning it down and Brad Fuller isn’t just turning him away, that must mean the script is utter dog shit.  No big surprise.

More on this as it develops.