‘JENNIFER’S BODY’–THE REVIEW!

jennifers_body

I’ve watched Jennifer’s Body about 4 times now.  Normally, that’d be a good thing, the movie being just so damn good, I had to watch it again and again, like, for instance, THE EVIL DEAD.  Unfortunately, that’s not the case here.  The more I saw, the more repulsed I became.  By the very end, I was a bitter, broken mess, driven half insane by what I can only describe as, a not-as-clever-as-it-wants-to-be-cluster-fuck-of-a-flick.  A shame, as I really was looking forward to a smartly-written, intelligent horror film.  I know that’s what the filmmakers, “including Oscar-winning writer Diablo Cody,” tried to do, they just fell WAAAAAAAY short of the goal.

I’m going to go ahead and say it.  What Jennifer’s Body wanted to accomplish, Ginger Snaps already accomplished years ago.  The “teenage girl as monster” allegories were expertly handled in Ginger Snaps, while Jennifer’s Body shot and missed.  While GS set up the physical, mental, and social changes of a teen girl getting her period for the first time (though, I hear, thanks to growth hormones, kindergartners get ’em now) with the werewolf as metaphor, JB botched the job of the changing teen-girl-dynamic with the demonic possession metaphor.  I applaud the attempt, however, especially in regard to the allegorical view of two exceedingly different young girls, bound by friendship at a young age, who face the inevitable destruction of said friendship due to social status (and in this case, demonic possession as well).  That’s a decent set-up, but the movie just couldn’t pull it off.  Why?

Well, the direction was competent, so I’m not going to fault Karyn Kusama.  Unfortunately, directors are blamed for bad writing, bad acting, etc.  Of course, it IS the director’s job to make sure the actors are right for the parts and to make something workable from the script.  But then, there’s that expression, you can’t polish a turd.  I wasn’t a big fan of JUNO.  I mean, it was okay, but Oscar-Worthy?  Lowered standards seem to be a given with film these days.  At least it was somewhat competent, but I don’t think Diablo Cody really understands teenagers.  Given, I haven’t been a teenager for 8 years now, and I’ve already gone right into OLD MAN “Get Off My Lawn!” phase, skipping all others to the point where I LOATHE today’s teens, but I still doubt I have more of a false, skewed perspective than Diablo Cody.  It seems the woman writes her teenagers as caricatures of teens.  Perhaps she bases her teenagers off teen magazines, written, also, by 30-something year old women who should know better.  The dialogue was simply atrocious, pandering and ridiculous.  Cutesy phrases were made up for the sake of cleverness, but continually failed.   Awful writing can make or break a film, and, in this case, it was 60% responsible.

30% goes to terrible acting.  I mean, sure, the actors here only had so much to work with, but I’m certain Megan Fox can’t act anyway, and works only as a pretty face and, due to said face, name recognition.  Her saving grace in Transformers was that she only said about 3 words in the movie.  This time, she actually had to, you know, ACT!  Cardboard boxes have better acting chops.  Then there’s Amanda Seyfried.  She looked like she was quoting Shakespeare beside Fox, but that’s not saying much.  At least she was able to show real emotion and, I felt, had to carry the film upon a poorly written script.  Given more to work with, perhaps she could’ve done a better job, but as it was, there was simply no chemistry between her and Fox, nor her and her on-screen boyfriend who I could’ve sworn was in the “special-kids” class.

Now let us delve into the HORROR aspect of Jennifer’s Body.  There was a bit of gore (including a ridiculous scene where an herbivorous DEER was eating human intestinal tract), but nothing to write home about.  There were one or two jump scares, the most frightening thing in the movie being the repeated exposure to a fake Emo band’s fake Emo song (not to mention exposure to many other popular…I guess…Emo bands and THEIR songs).  Then, ok, and this may seem crass, but it’s a horror flick, dammit, no boobs.  None.  When you have a flick marketed to teens, with a trailer that begins with a naked chick in a lake, and you have nothing in the topless category, what the hell are you doing?  Do these people never even WATCH horror flicks?  Anything that would’ve made this an actual horror film went right out the window.  Gore alone won’t do it.  Saving Private Ryan had more gore in the first few minutes.

All in all, if you’re curious about the flick, go ahead an check it out and make up your own damn mind.  If you want my opinion (and why ELSE would you be here if you didn’t), stay away from Jennifer’s Body and go watch Ginger Snaps instead.

0 out of 5 skulls.

‘JENNIFER’S BODY’ COMING TO DVD & BLU-RAY DECEMBER 29th

For those of you who may have forgotten, here’s a brief synopsis for JENNIFER’S BODY:

Sexy temptress Megan Fox (Transformers) is hotter than hell as Jennifer, a gorgeous, seductive cheerleader who takes evil to a whole new level after she’s possessed by a sinister demon. Steamy action and gore galore ensue as the male student body succumbs to Jennifer’s insatiable appetite for human flesh. Now it’s up to her best friend (Amanda Seyfried; Mamma Mia!) to stop the demonic diva’s reign of terror before it’s too late!

JENNIFER’S BODY will be available on Blu-ray (BD) as a two-disc release featuring a
Digital Copy version of the extended cut for the suggested retail price of $39.99 U.S. /
$49.99 Canada and standard DVD for $29.98 U.S. / $43.48 Canada.

Blu-Ray buyers will get full-on features while homely ‘ol folk like me who still only own DVD players seem to be getting the standard fare (perhaps there will be a special edition DVD at some point).  Check out this killer feature list:

Blu-ray (BD) Features:
Disc One

  • Theatrical Widescreen Feature Film

    • Audio Commentary with Director Karyn Kusama and Writer Diablo Cody
  • Extended Widescreen Version

    • Audio Commentary with Director Karyn Kusama
  • Deleted Scenes

    • Dead Boys
    • Jennifer Check Is Gross
    • Needy Confronts Jennifer
    • Who’s Cindy Crawford?
    • Needy Faces The Band
    • Ass, Gas or Grass…
  • Gag Reel
  • Jennifer’s Body: The Dead Pool
  • Video Diaries

    • Megan Fox and Johnny Simmons
    • Amanda Seyfried
    • Diablo Cody
    • Dan Dubiecki
  • Megan Fox Is HOT
  • Megan Fox “Peer Pressure” PSA
  • Fox Movie Channel Presents ‘Life After Film School’ With Writer Diablo Cody


Disc Two

  • Digital Copy of Jennifer’s Body (Extended Version)


Standard DVD Features:

  • Theatrical Widescreen Feature Film

    • Audio Commentary with Director Karyn Kusama and Writer Diablo Cody
  • Extended Widescreen Version

    • Audio Commentary with Director Karyn Kusama

Check out the cover art featuring the demonically hawt Megan Fox:

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Jennifer's Body On DVD and Blu-Ray December 29th, 2009

And Last, but not least, a Trailer to keep you warm till the Blu-Ray/DVD drops Dec. 29, 2009!

WATCH A CLIP FROM ‘JENNIFER’S BODY’

Check out this clip from the upcoming Megan Fox/Diablo Cody vehicle JENNIFER’S BODY!

BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEO FROM ‘JENNIFER’S BODY’

If you head on over to YAHOO MOVIES, they’ve put up a behind-the-scenes vid from the upcoming JENNIFER’S BODY.  Click the link above to check it out!

‘JENNIFER’S BODY’ RED BAND TRAILER HITS WEB

The R-Rated trailer for the upcoming JENNIFER’S BODY hit the intarwebz today.  Check it out (thanks to Bloody-Disgusitng):

I’m going to go ahead and call SHENNANIGANS on this flick.  I think it’s going to suck ass.

End Transmission…

NEW PIC OF MEGAN FOX FROM ‘JENNIFER’S BODY’

Posted on 13th April 2009 by aaron in News - Tags: , , ,

This one’s for all you fellas out there.  A new pic from the upcoming JENNIFER’S BODY has surfaced on the internets.  Here ya go:

Megan Fox Topless in JENNIFER’S BODY

Photos have leaked of a topless Megan Fox on set.  TOPLESS MEGAN FOX.  Read on and enjoy.

Jennifer’s Body is the sophomore screenwriting effort from Diablo Cody (Juno).  Here’s a brief plot synopsis from Wikipedia:

Jennifer’s Body is an upcoming dark comedy and horror film written by Diablo Cody. The film, described as similar in tone to Heathers, will be directed by Karyn Kusama, and will star Megan Fox as the title character, Amanda Seyfried as her best friend Needy and Adam Brody as the antagonist Nikolai. The film follows Jennifer, a cheerleader possessed by a demon who begins feeding off the boys in a Minnesota farming town. It is then up to her “plain Jane” best friend Needy to kill Jennifer, escape from a correctional facility and go after lead singer Nikolai and his Satan-worshiping rock band responsible for the transformation. Jennifer’s Body has an expected release date in 2009.

MEGAN FOX IN THE UPCOMING ‘JONAH HEX’ MOVIE

Just came across this story from the Creepy Canuckians over at Horror Movies.ca:

Finally some good news surrounding Warner Bros. action Western, Jonah Hex.  Megan Fox is in final negotiations to star opposite Josh Brolin and John Malkovich, according to THR.  Jonah Hex is based on a DC Comic Book released in the 70’s which has recently been given new life.

Fox will play Leila, a gun-wielding beauty and the love interest of Hex (played by Brolin), who is a scarred confederate soldier bounty hunter.  Malkovich plays the bad guy who is trying to raise an army of undead soldiers to liberate the south.  Shooting should be starting in the next month or so.

Sounds like it could be interesting.  We have two decent actors and some eye candy (hopefully she won’t have much of a speaking role).  I’m glad to see that bit about the “undead soldiers” as well, as I had read that there wasn’t going to be a supernatural element to this flick.  Hot Damn!  You might remember the Megan Fox pics that were floating around the intarwebz some months back, like the one below (click for more), from the upcoming Jennifer’s Body.  Could Megan Fox be a new scream queen in the making?  We’ll just have to see.

Billy Bob Thornton, Megan Fox, Bigfoot, & Other Horror News

I don’t really have a lot of time to make a post right now, so I’m going to post a little Horror News Roundup…yeehaw.

Ok, although it’s been in the horror news for a few days now, Fangoria just picked up the news that Billy Bob Thornton is rumoured to be the next Freddy Krueger.  Seems the rumour was started by the man himself, Robert Englund.  Englund was quoted as saying that Thornton would be “an excellent choice.”  You might remember Thornton in such fright flicks as Chopper Chicks In Zombie Town and he was a voiceless, redneck in a crowd of rednecks that later fell out of a truck in Hunter’s Blood (at least I THINK that was him).

In other news, Horror Movies.ca reports that the Megan Fox topless/nude scene we’ve all been watering at the mouth about has been cut from the upcoming Jennifer’s Body.  I would say that this pretty much takes the movie out of the running of flicks to watch, but the lesbian makeout scene she’s in is still in the movie, so now it’s a “maybe I’ll watch it, but maybe I’ll just wait for the UNRATED DVD to come out that has everything” movie.

Fox News, CNN, and others have been reporting that two ‘ol boys in Georgia have a Bigfoot body!  Normally I’d call bullshit on something like this, because even though I believe in the big, hairy guy, there are way too many hoaxes and whenever someone in the past has said they have a body, it’s been, well, bullshit.  However, they say they’ve sent DNA off to be tested and are going to hold a press conference for the world to see on Friday, August 15th.  They also said that they plan to hand the body over to science for further study.  This could be interesting, and if it proves out, HA! to all you assholes that said I was just a crazy fucker.

Looks like my favourite movie monster, the werewolf, may be coming back into vogue.  With the Wolfman Remake, another Underworld piece of shit, and the upcoming LOBO: “Lobo follows a man who receives a letter and some photos from his mother’s will, and decides to travel to the Amazon to find out his true roots. What he discovers is a clan of lycanthropes whom he eventually helps in their battle for survival.” (Dread Central) I’m worried that it’ll suck though.  Unfortunately, most horror movies, well, no, all werewolf movies made today suck total donkey dong.

Finally, a little eye candy.  Shock Till You Drop released the cover art for the release of Friday The 13th: The Series, which some of you may be interested in, even though the show was a complete piece of shit and didn’t have Jason in it.  Freddy’s Nightmares was much better.  Here ya go: